Domestic and Intimate Partner Violence - Sexual And Reproductive Health

Domestic violence is when one person in a relationship purposely hurts another person physically or emotionally. Domestic violence is also called intimate partner violence because it often is caused by a husband, ex-husband, boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend. Women also can be abusers.

People of all races, education levels, and ages experience domestic abuse. In the United States, more than 5 million women are abused by an intimate partner each year.

Physical abuse – hitting, shoving, kicking, biting, or throwing things
Psychological or emotional abuse – yelling, controlling what you do, or threatening to cause serious problems for you
Sexual abuse – forcing you to do something sexual you don't want to do

If you are in immediate danger, you can call 911. It is possible for the police to arrest an abuser and to escort you and your children to a safe place.

Often, abuse starts as emotional abuse and then becomes physical later. It's important to get help early.

Sometimes it is hard to know if you are being abused. You can learn more about signs of abuse.

Your partner may try to make you feel like the abuse is your fault. Remember that you cannot make someone mistreat you. The abuser is responsible for his or her behavior. Abuse can be a way for your partner to try to have control over you.

Violence can cause serious physical and emotional problems, including depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. It's important to try to take care of your health. And if you are using drugs or alcohol to cope with abuse, get help.

There probably will be times when your partner is very kind. Unfortunately, abusers often begin the mistreatment again after these periods of calm. In fact, over time, abuse often gets worse, not better. Even if your partner promises to stop the abuse, make sure to learn about hotlines and other ways to get help for abuse.

An abusive partner needs to get help from a mental health professional. But even if he or she gets help, the abuse may not stop.

If you are being abused, get help. The longer the abuse goes on, the more damage it can cause. You are not alone. There are people who will believe you and who want to help.

If you are in immediate danger, call the police or leave.
If you're hurt, go to a local hospital emergency room.
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE or TDD 800-787-3224. The hotline offers help in many languages 24 hours a day, every day. Hotline staff can give you the phone numbers of local shelters and other resources.
Look up state resources for a list of local places to get help.
Plan ahead. Violence sometimes gets worse right after leaving, so think about a safe place to go. You can get advice from the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Have a cellphone handy. Try not to call for help from your home phone or a shared cellphone since an abuser may be able to trace the numbers. If possible, get a prepaid cellphone or your own cellphone. Some domestic violence shelters offer free cellphones.
Reach out to someone you trust — a family member, friend, co-worker, or spiritual leader. Look into ways to get emotional help, like a support group or mental health professional.
Contact your family court (or domestic violence court, if offered by your state) for information about getting a court order of protection. If you need legal help but don't have much money, your local domestic violence agency may be able to help you find a lawyer who will work for free.
Create a code word to use with friends and family to let them know you are in danger. If possible, agree on a secret location where they can pick you up.
If you can, hide an extra set of car keys so you can leave if your partner takes away your keys.
When you leave, try to bring any evidence of abuse, like threatening notes from your partner or copies of police reports.

Domestic violence shelters can give you and your children temporary housing, food and other basic items, and help finding other assistance. Usually you can stay at a shelter for free. Other services may include job training, support groups and legal help.

Transitional housing focuses on giving families a safe space and time to recover from domestic violence. Families live independently, in separate apartments, while they also receive counseling, job training, help finding affordable, permanent housing and legal help.

People who have never been in an abusive relationship may wonder, "Why doesn't she just leave?" There are many reasons why a woman may stay in an abusive relationship. She may have little or no money and worry about supporting herself and her children. It may be hard for her to contact friends and family who could help her. Or she may feel too frightened, confused, or embarrassed to leave.

Older women who are abused often face the same challenges as younger women, but they face additional ones, too. These may include:

Having grown up and married during a time when domestic abuse was tolerated or ignored
•Having lived with abuse for many years, which can lead to problems like poor self-esteem
•Feeling a duty to take care of an aging partner
•Not knowing a lot about risks of sexually transmitted infections, how to use a condom, or how to negotiate with a partner to use a condom
•Feeling afraid to live alone after being with someone for many years
•Having less of a support network, such as when friends retire and move away

If you or someone you know is being abused in later life, you can get help. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or 800-787-3224 (TDD) or the National Clearinghouse on Abuse in Later Life at 608-255-0539. Sometimes, an older woman with an illness or disability is abused by someone who is supposed to help take care of her.

National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
www.ndvh.org