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Q: I am a 45-year old woman. Until recently, I had always been active. For many years, I took care of my mom and grandma. Now that they are gone, I feel drained and have no energy. I'm always tired. Is this common among women who are long-term caregivers? How can I get help?
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The Trusted Source
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Michael Craig Miller, M.D., is editor-in-chief of the Harvard Mental Health Letter and an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. Dr. Miller is in clinical practice at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, where he has been on staff for more than 20 years.

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November 20, 2009
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A:

If you haven't already checked with your doctor about your symptoms of low energy, please schedule a visit. Any number of illnesses could cause a change in vitality, such as a chronic viral infection or a thyroid problem. But let's assume for the moment that your doctor has not discovered any such illness.

The National Health Service in the United Kingdom has an excellent definition of a caregiver, or what they call carers: "Lay people in a close supportive role who share in the illness experience of the patient and who undertake vital care work and emotion management."

This definition underscores how the role of caregiver goes beyond physical care. That is, a caregiver is also involved in the experience of the person receiving care. This makes providing care for people you love meaningful, but also stressful.

I cannot quote statistics for how many people end up feeling drained or sapped of energy by being a caregiver, but I have little doubt that it is common. Here is the evidence:

  • Many people in the United States are caregivers. In a recent survey, researchers made thousands of phone calls and learned that 12% of the people they called were active caregivers.
  • Caregivers are at higher than average risk for anxiety and depression.
  • Australian researchers found that caregivers report lower energy levels than average.

I don't know your circumstances, but I'll guess that when you lost your mother and grandmother, it affected you in two ways. First, you lost two important people in your life. Second, you lost a very meaningful role, one that may have provided you with a sense of purpose.

Your loss of energy could be a part of grieving these losses. I suggest that you talk to a therapist who may help you understand what the losses mean to you and to help you with the grieving process.

Low energy is also a symptom of depression, which may have been triggered by your losses. You may get a lot of relief from psychotherapy or antidepressant treatment.

In Judaism, when someone speaks of the deceased, they often say: "May their memory be a blessing." Sometimes, however, the memory makes it hard to move past the loss. A therapist may be able to help you take the energy you invested in the well-being of others and re-invest it in your own well-being.

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