(USA Today) -- To shake or not to shake -- that is the question gripping the swine-flu-wary. How to delicately deflect an outthrust hand? An incoming bear hug? How to hint to a subway seatmate that his convulsive cough is unsanitary and possibly unsafe? Manners mavens Anna Post and Jacqueline Whitmore weigh in on dicey decorum during this season of H1N1. "I don't think good etiquette means you get a cold (or the flu) to be polite," Post says. "I think you can satisfy both" -- civility and well-being.

Negotiating the handshake

You're leery of gripping someone's mitt but your co-worker isn't? "I might shrug my shoulders with one palm up and say, 'Swine flu!' " in a gosh-darn tone, Post says. "What you're doing is telling the person, 'It's not you' " -- it's the flu. Otherwise, make eye contact, nod and smile.

What Post does not recommend is to "give this long diatribe and be defensive about it. You're taking the focus away from the greeting and onto the fact that you're unsure about your choice not to shake."

And know that nowadays, if somebody refuses your handshake, "you shouldn't take offense to that," Whitmore says. "You just simply put your hand by your side and move on."

Whitmore warns against the more unconventional handshake substitutes. Culturally, a pat on the back "can be very insulting," or, if between the sexes, patronizing. "I don't think the fist bump is the be-all, end-all, either." If you're working on a college campus, students will get it, but at a retirement home, residents likely won't.

And if someone does pump your paw without your full permission, don't immediately pull out the Purell, Post says. "That should be a no-brainer." Wait until you have a moment to duck into the restroom or surreptitiously slip the bottle under, say, the boardroom table, Post says.

Negotiating the hug

If you're not comfortable with an approaching pair of outstretched arms, "you can control the situation by putting your hands on the top or sides of (the hugger's) shoulders, instead of wrapping them around their back," Post says.

Negotiating the hack

Here's another reason to emulate Mom by keeping Kleenex tucked into your purse or pocket: If your plane seatmate sounds as if she should instead be sitting in a sanitarium, offer her a tissue, Post says. "It's the most diplomatic way to hint, 'Please don't spread your germs on me.' " If that doesn't stop the spray, ratchet up your tactics to Level 2: "Then I might take out the Purell and make a bit of a display" of applying it.

Social shame, such as flashing the hairy eyeball, should be used sparingly. "I'm not advising the world run around giving each other dirty looks," Post says. But catching someone's eye is "a great way to jog another person's awareness: 'Guess what? There are other people around, and your actions affect them.' " Catching other victims' eyes instead of excoriating the source of the phlegm factory communicates that "you're being the good guy" and "protecting yourself at the same time."

Whitmore suggests a variation on Post's Level 2 approach: Squeeze a little sanitizing gel in your hands and gently ask, "Would you like some, too?"

"I was always taught that if someone offers you something, you take it," Whitmore says. "There's probably a reason they're offering it to you."

(c) USA TODAY